Fighting With Oneself
by XXDancingxInxThexRainXX
Summary: LxA, introspective. One shot, Leon is fighting the desire to confess to Ashley fluff... maybe mostly Leon being Angsty and a little fluff. Updated! Now with a chapter from Ashley!
1. Leon

(A/N) Okay, so this is a short one shot.. I might continue it, probably not. But with all the gore I've been writing lately (cough) and not publishing (cough) I decided to throw in a little romance. The style might be a bit confusing, but anything _italicized_ and in (parenthesis) is Leon's subconscious kind of butting in and saying what her really thinks. No flames, unless those flames have a valid reason. But be warned, if I do not find your reason to be valid, I will contact to and inquire as to the reason of your flaming. Reviews are love, requests are amazing. I dedicate this to a dear friend of mine (not to be named)

Rating: K

Characters: Leon, Ashley

* * *

Vanilla. Ashley always smelled like roasted vanilla with a hint of sugar. Even when we were trapped in that hell hole in Spain. Every time I'd brush too close to her I'd get a whiff of vanilla.

It's infuriating. I shouldn't be thinking this... I can't be. It's not right. And it doesn't help at all I'm with her 24/7.

At Ashley's request I was stationed as her body guard. God knows she doesn't think of me as such _(how _does_ she think of me?)_

Every time I touch her, I lose a little bit more of my sanity _(do I even have nay left?)_ Warm skin. She's always warm... like a human space heater or something. Her body is warm and her hands are cold... a constant freezing chill _(like ice, almost)_, stark in contrast to the heat of her wrist and arm.

And pale. She says she never did like physical activity. You wouldn't know it from the way she acted... who knew the President's daughter could pull off a round house kick so well?

Another thing... she's capable. Brave too. I don't think I've ever seen a more confident woman _(excluding Ada)_

Every day I'm around her... every library book I reach for her, every meal she _(orders out)_ "makes" me, every movie we watch just has me falling harder and faster for her.

But I pull myself back. I keep from telling her _(blurting out)_ how I wish for her.

I get myself to a point _(convince myself_ that it's merely lust. I don't love her _(I can't)_ I just need to get laid.

But then she turns to me, "Leon, how about this movie?" she holds out some mushy chic flic crap that I wouldn't watch to save my life. "Sure," I lie, "That's fine."

It's not my fault, really. I could never say no to those eyes. Her brown eyes that are never really brown. More like a dirty gold with strands of copper wired through. If I ever dared to refuse her _(has there been an instance?)_ She would wilt. Her smile would fade, her eyes lose their sparkle and take over a dull hue. And then I cave. And she's happy.

I have to keep her happy. It's my job. "Keep her safe." I was ordered.

And I did. From a distance. Behind a stoic expression and occasional dimly lit grin.

But she was depressed _(who wouldn't be?)_ Nightmare haunted her and she had no one to talk to _(I was right there)_ So then my orders were "Keep her safe. Keep her happy." With me as a distraction _is that really all I am?)_ she was happy. Elated, joyful, delighted. This could be a problem _(is it really?)_

So here I am. In Ashley's apartment, secret service at the door _(do they really have to be there?)_ watching that mushy chic flic that I'd never sit through, even if it would save my life.

But I'm not watching the movie. I don't think I could, even if I wanted to _(which I don't)_ Because I can't take my eyes off her.

Sitting in front of me on her plush carpet, I stare at the back of her head.

Blond hair, pulled back in to a messy bun. She still smells like vanilla _(God help me...)_ I listen to her near silent mumbling so the movie screen and think of how I would love to run my hands through her hair, just to feel if it's really as soft as it looks.

So I reach. One large, calloused hand out to touch her _(I shouldn't)_ just to feel her warm skin under mine _(I can't)_

"Leon?" She turned, I drew back my hand and pretended to brush away a piece of lint from her couch.

"Want some ice cream?" She grins, cherry lips pulling back in to a pleasant smile.

I nod. I can't speak... If I did I would say something _(I love you)_ Then it would end _(I can't live without you)_ I would be reassigned _(I can't let that happen)_

All I could do was watch her retreating figure... the gentle sway of her hips _(I wanted to hold her)_ as she went to get ice cream from her freezer. And I tell myself I can't want her _(Love her)_ it's not allowed.

It starts over again.


	2. Ashley

Rating: K

Characters: Leon, Ashley

Disclaimer: If I had rights to Resident Evil, Wesker would be gay and Jill would open her own sandwich shop. So, no- I don't own it. Also, first line goes to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

I love him. Unconditionally, irrevocably. I love him. But the question is: Will he ever love me back?

Leon S. Kennedy, the perfect, superlative man that saved me from that nightmarish hell that was Spain. But he thinks of me as a child, as a kid sister _(Is that true? Really?)_ When he helps me, when he cares for me, he does it on orders from my father. That's not what I want.

I want to be loved, I want his large hands running through my hair, feeling the contours of my body… God I need to stop reading those romance novels. _(Is it really just my reading choice providing these thoughts?)_

I've waited for so long to find that special someone I want to be with, the one I want to 'give it away' to, and I found him. So why does it have to be so hard to get his attention? _(Is it really that difficult, or am I just not trying?)_ I feel my adoration for him is a lost cause, and I hate that feeling.

But how could it be? I'm sure he'd grow to love me… _(doesn't he already?)_ I've seen him staring at me, and I wish I knew what he was thinking _(I think I know already…)_ I wish I could understand him. If we could just get away from those goddamned guards for ten minutes!

"Hey, Leon, can you help me?" I look around the shelf of books in the library to where my armed guard was sitting. _(God he's handsome…)_ I motion him forward with a beckoning finger. How did I work up the guts to do this?

"I can't reach this book…" I continue, Leon smiles at me as he stands, his bright blue eyes lighting up _(Please let this work)_ The other guards move to follow, but Leon waves them off. "I think I can handle a book, guys." His deep voice resonates around me, I think I just melted a little inside.

"What book?" I watch as he makes his way toward me, sinuous muscles shifting under that tight black T-Shirt he always wears. _(Hey, he's talking to us! Come on, wake up!)_

"Ashley, you okay?" Leon waves a hand in front of my flushed face, I smile shakily.

"Yeah. Sure. Ah, the book… was that way." I pointed to the aisle of books across from us, the only row shielded from the security cameras. _(Thank you secret service)_ I follow behind him as he strolled over to the shelf I had gestured at _(Really nice view…)_ He stopped.

"Which was it?" He grinned, I pointed to a red spine about a foot above his head. He winked _(Please god don't let me blush _too _much…)_ As he handed me the book, his face formed a puzzled mask.

"Are you sure this is the right one?" _(I can barely focus…)_ I nodded.

"Yeah. Absolutely!" Damn my inability to lie…

"…'Mating Rituals Of the Norwegian Humpbacked Pigeon'?" I could feel my mouth drop _(What the hell is a 'Norwegian Humpbacked Pigeon'?)_ Mortification: never a good feeling.

"Er… I'm writing a paper for Biology…" I bet I look like a freaking cherry. Fantastic.

"You're not taking Biology this semester." Oh. Right. _(He knows my schedule better than I do…)_

"Um, well…. I…" Having doubts, Oh god, what do I do? _(He's six years older than me, what would dad _say_?) _What if he doesn't like me that way? _(What if he thinks I'm too weak?)_ _Am_ I too weak?

"You know what?" I take a calming breath in, Leon looks confused.

"What?"

"Fuck it." I jumped my body guard in the middle of a public library. How many college girls can say that? _(Ah, sweet satisfaction)_

He was a good deal taller than me, I could barely reach his lips. As soon as we touched, he froze _(Oh shit, what have I done?)_ Slowly, I felt his hands reach up to my shoulders, _(Please, _please_ don't push me away…) _I winced as his fingers tightened and stepped back, my arms were still around his neck.

"You'll be the death of me, you know that… right?" He deep voice was soft, his blue eyes angled down _(What the HELL is so interesting about our SHOES!?) _

"Okay, yes, I know, you'll never feel the same way about me as I feel about you- but please just _consider_ it!" I begged, my arms constricted around his neck.

"Ashley?" He still wasn't looking at me _(I'm screwed. Not even literally either.)_

"Yes?" Oh crap, I'm gonna cry, why do I always _cry_?

"Your father's going to have me shot." Before I could even register his words, Leon's rough hands pulled me into him, he ran one hand through my hair _(About time.)_ The other reached around my waist. He tasted like coffee and breath mints, I smiled slightly, ignoring the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.

"He… won't shoot you. My mother will." I panted as we broke away for air, our noses touched.

"Do I at least get severance after they fire my remains?"

_(Knew it would all work for the better.)_

* * *

**(A/N: Well, back by popular demand. This chapter is for ****Exdeamon****, who waited a lot longer than promised for it. SORRY! I hope you weren't disappointed! **

**This is slightly different than it's predecessor in a few ways, the most prominent being that Ashley is more aware and in control of her **_(thoughts) _**than Leon was in the first chapter. The reason being that I think women, in general are more in touch with their feelings than men. Then there's the fact that this wasn't as introspective. Well, I don't know what to say on that part, I guess I just didn't feel like writing Ashley as an introspective character. If this is badly received I may give it another shot, but for now -at least- I think I'm done with this series.)**


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